The New Year presents an opportunity to examine what is working within your family and what may need a revision. Many of us create resolutions—we want to make a positive change, or to progress or improve in some way. Yet often times these resolutions are hard to implement or maintain. You will have a better chance of meaningful change if you understand and develop specific habits, rather than focusing on broad declarations.
Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit, is a fascinating look at the science behind habits. He introduces us to the habit loop, which helps us understand how habits work. The habit loop consists of a cue, the routine and a reward. "There's a cue, which is kind of a trigger for an automatic behavior to start unfolding," Duhigg explains. "There's a routine, which is the behavior itself ... and then there's a reward, which tells our brain whether we should store this habit for future use or not." When we have a better understanding of our habits, we can more easily change them.
Let’s consider Duhigg’s habit loop to help create a new routine for homework. Homework can be stressful for many families. I recently helped a client look at the habits that had formed around homework in her family. The parent would request that her kids get started on homework, only to be met with a myriad of excuses for why it could wait until later. After several requests, the mother felt frustrated and angry and the children felt badgered and unmotivated. By examining the habit loop, we gained a better understanding of the obstacles.
We started by examining the routine, as Duhigg suggests. Dinner ended and the kids began to get engrossed in YouTube videos. This caused mom to note that the homework should begin. Repeated requests from mom ensued, often ending with yelling and negative feelings on all sides. So where was the reward? Although the repeated requests felt a bit like nagging, it also kept mom’s attention on the kids and on the YouTube videos. The reward was watching videos AND having mom’s attention, albeit negative attention.
Next, we looked at the cue. Duhigg shares the science of cues and teaches us “that almost all habitual cues fit into one of five categories: Location, Time, Emotional State, Other People, and Immediately preceding action.” It became clear that the cues regarding the homework routine were most likely Time--dinner ending, and Emotional State--possibly anxiety over homework completion for mom and desire for video watching for kids.
Lastly, we used the knowledge of the habit loop to create a new plan. Duhigg states, “You can begin to shift the behavior. You can change to a better routine by planning for the cue, and choosing a behavior that delivers the reward you are craving.” The family used the end of dinner as the cue to begin homework, rather than to begin watching videos. Mom used descriptive praise as the kids got their books and papers from their backpacks and started working. Her attention was now focused on the desired behaviors rather than on non-compliance. The kids were allowed to watch YouTube videos when they completed homework. The cue and reward were still in place, yet the routine had changed to create better habits and outcomes.
Duhigg states that as many as “40-45% of our daily activities are habits”, so in other words, “If you don’t get your habits right, you won’t reach your goals.” By understanding your habits, and making a plan to change your routine, you will have a better chance at reaching your goals or resolutions for 2018.
Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit, is a fascinating look at the science behind habits. He introduces us to the habit loop, which helps us understand how habits work. The habit loop consists of a cue, the routine and a reward. "There's a cue, which is kind of a trigger for an automatic behavior to start unfolding," Duhigg explains. "There's a routine, which is the behavior itself ... and then there's a reward, which tells our brain whether we should store this habit for future use or not." When we have a better understanding of our habits, we can more easily change them.
Let’s consider Duhigg’s habit loop to help create a new routine for homework. Homework can be stressful for many families. I recently helped a client look at the habits that had formed around homework in her family. The parent would request that her kids get started on homework, only to be met with a myriad of excuses for why it could wait until later. After several requests, the mother felt frustrated and angry and the children felt badgered and unmotivated. By examining the habit loop, we gained a better understanding of the obstacles.
We started by examining the routine, as Duhigg suggests. Dinner ended and the kids began to get engrossed in YouTube videos. This caused mom to note that the homework should begin. Repeated requests from mom ensued, often ending with yelling and negative feelings on all sides. So where was the reward? Although the repeated requests felt a bit like nagging, it also kept mom’s attention on the kids and on the YouTube videos. The reward was watching videos AND having mom’s attention, albeit negative attention.
Next, we looked at the cue. Duhigg shares the science of cues and teaches us “that almost all habitual cues fit into one of five categories: Location, Time, Emotional State, Other People, and Immediately preceding action.” It became clear that the cues regarding the homework routine were most likely Time--dinner ending, and Emotional State--possibly anxiety over homework completion for mom and desire for video watching for kids.
Lastly, we used the knowledge of the habit loop to create a new plan. Duhigg states, “You can begin to shift the behavior. You can change to a better routine by planning for the cue, and choosing a behavior that delivers the reward you are craving.” The family used the end of dinner as the cue to begin homework, rather than to begin watching videos. Mom used descriptive praise as the kids got their books and papers from their backpacks and started working. Her attention was now focused on the desired behaviors rather than on non-compliance. The kids were allowed to watch YouTube videos when they completed homework. The cue and reward were still in place, yet the routine had changed to create better habits and outcomes.
Duhigg states that as many as “40-45% of our daily activities are habits”, so in other words, “If you don’t get your habits right, you won’t reach your goals.” By understanding your habits, and making a plan to change your routine, you will have a better chance at reaching your goals or resolutions for 2018.