The morning routine can be one of the toughest parts of the day. The simple tasks of getting dressed, eating breakfast and gathering belongings are second nature for adults, yet not so easy for children. For many parents, guiding their children through these tasks entails repeated requests, multiple reminders and numerous negotiations. We make a request several times and then yell, teaching our kids that they don’t need to follow directions until the yelling starts. Parents who manage to maintain their patience can get through the morning routine with minor tears and no major meltdowns. But many of us have lost our temper or endured a tantrum--or both. And the fact that we’re late only adds insult to injury.
How can you manage the morning with more cooperation and less chaos? Here are 4 guidelines I recommend:
1. Give a clear, specific message when making a request. Don’t phrase your request as a question, which can make it sound like an option rather than a direction. We can be polite and positive when we say, “It’s time to get dressed” rather than, “How ‘bout getting dressed now, okay?”
2. Be present. As much as you might like to check your email or start a load of laundry, your morning routine will be much smoother if instead of yelling orders across the house, you are present to help your children follow directions. You will not have to do this when they are 16, but for now, it will help teach them to follow their morning routine.
3. Give your kids choices to prompt them to follow directions. “Can you put your blue jeans on by yourself, or do you need my help?” Don’t worry if it feels like you are helping your kids do something they already know how to do—your objective is to help them follow directions, not learn how to dress. If they opt for your help, matter-of-factly help with the blue jeans and move on.
4. Focus on what your children need to do (the “do behavior”) rather than on the things they shouldn’t do. “Your job is to get your blue jeans on” is a more effective reminder than “Stop messing around with your legos!” Use descriptive language to bring attention to the positive behavior. “Your jeans are on and now you are looking for your socks. You’re almost ready!”
Being clear and present when giving directions and then following through on those directions will help you stay calm and your kids stay focused. Giving choices instills cooperation and independence in your children. And descriptive language encourages desired behaviors. Using these strategies will help your mornings run smoothly and promotes a positive relationship!
How can you manage the morning with more cooperation and less chaos? Here are 4 guidelines I recommend:
1. Give a clear, specific message when making a request. Don’t phrase your request as a question, which can make it sound like an option rather than a direction. We can be polite and positive when we say, “It’s time to get dressed” rather than, “How ‘bout getting dressed now, okay?”
2. Be present. As much as you might like to check your email or start a load of laundry, your morning routine will be much smoother if instead of yelling orders across the house, you are present to help your children follow directions. You will not have to do this when they are 16, but for now, it will help teach them to follow their morning routine.
3. Give your kids choices to prompt them to follow directions. “Can you put your blue jeans on by yourself, or do you need my help?” Don’t worry if it feels like you are helping your kids do something they already know how to do—your objective is to help them follow directions, not learn how to dress. If they opt for your help, matter-of-factly help with the blue jeans and move on.
4. Focus on what your children need to do (the “do behavior”) rather than on the things they shouldn’t do. “Your job is to get your blue jeans on” is a more effective reminder than “Stop messing around with your legos!” Use descriptive language to bring attention to the positive behavior. “Your jeans are on and now you are looking for your socks. You’re almost ready!”
Being clear and present when giving directions and then following through on those directions will help you stay calm and your kids stay focused. Giving choices instills cooperation and independence in your children. And descriptive language encourages desired behaviors. Using these strategies will help your mornings run smoothly and promotes a positive relationship!